If one early step in a relationship can top
wedding planning in overall potential stress, it’s buying a home together.
Whether it’s your first home or forever home, you’ll want to cross that
threshold with a thriving relationship, not added strain. And we’ve got the
advice to help with that.
the Right Realtor
Much of the advice we give couples for finding
the right wedding planner applies to finding a realtor. Ask for
recommendations, read reviews and take time to find a realtor that gives you
peace of mind.
Many couples may know family or friends that
are realtors. Choosing a friend or family member may certainly go a long way to
finding someone you trust. Still, that personal relationship can also make
business discussions and decisions overly complicated. This is especially true
if your partner is not feeling confident, they are the right choice as a
realtor. Be open and up front early on with each other if you’re feeling
uncomfortable or concerned about getting into a sticky family situation
Alternately, if you both have a realtor in the
past you’ve worked with that you liked, set up a phone call or face to face
with each. If you’re both 100% comfortable with one option, you’re all set. If
there’s hesitancy either way, seek out a fresh face you both can agree on.
to a Home
Many couples will be moving from a shared
apartment to their very first home just before in the year after their wedding.
Starting a marriage is thrilling, and taking that commitment a step further in
buying a home is equally so. And can be equally trying without the right
Take time to talk as a couple about reasonable
expectations. If you’ll be purchasing and moving into your home just before or
shortly after your wedding, set clear expectations on who is responsible for
what. This might mean one of you focuses on wedding planning, and the other
manages the home purchase. Or maybe one of you is better at big picture
planning, while the other agrees to knock out the small tasks. Include each
other on key decisions so neither feels left out completely, and take time to
enjoy the fun and special moments.
Buying your first home can be a daunting, yet
rewarding experience. This will be your first major financial purchase as a
couple, filled with new questions and decisions that will need to be made.
You’ll want to be financially prepared, but also relationally prepared. Give
yourself time to dream, then discuss non-negotiables. Have each of you make a
list of must haves, would like, and can’t stand. Keep an open mind. This exercise is all about
of Two Houses
Many premarital therapists and counselors give
the same advice when couples are combining not only households, but a family;
buy a new home. There’s good reason for this advice.
When combining families, a new home gives
everyone a fresh start. The space is free from past relationships, and possibly
unpleasant memories for both the adults and the children concerned. If there
are children on both sides, room sharing may be a consideration. No one wants
to feel like an intruder, and a new space or enough bedrooms for all will go a
Even if children aren’t a part of the picture,
buying a new home together keeps the relationship balanced. You’ll both be able
to develop new routines and habits in an entirely new space. You’ll be able to
decorate with a mutual aesthetic, instead of figuring out which curtains to
keep. And you’ll decide together, once and for all, which drawer in the kitchen
is the junk drawer.
Either way, the right realtor can guide you to
a home that meets both your needs.
on the Future
Just like planning your wedding, focus on the
joy of the future. Not the stress of the moment. And when the stress does begin
to mount, remind yourselves while you’re there in the first place. A new life
together, and a home to fill with memories.